song is on my mind

 Cool For The Summer - Demi Lovato

Boy does this song bring me major, major, nostalgia of my time in Europe.

At the time, I believe Season 9 of RPDR was on, and Shea Coulee had to LS4YL to this song. I was pretty entranced by the beat, quite familiar with the lyrics as well. This song got me through that bus ride to "Eastern Europe" (its actually central, as most Eastern countries are predominantly Slavic, for the ultimate eastern feel.) We had just left Italy, and were on our way to Austria. However, during our time in Italy, we had a Vatican City tour in Rome. Prior to arriving, our trip leader had a fun confession game, which had us all write down 3 confessions that he would say out-loud to the entire group.

I consider myself a horrible liar. This is why I have always preferred living truthfully and honestly. I couldn't lie on that piece of paper, not even to save my already burned and charred reputation of the fucking weirdo of the trip. I wrote them down as I felt, starting with the least painful. As I am no longer ashamed of sharing (this was 3 years ago as well), I will start with:

One: I am a huge stoner 

As I saw him read the second one, I could see him get more nervous. Everyone else had fun and embarrassing moments. Childhood mishaps.

Second: I like going to gay bars and make out with girls.

Here is where this song obsessively took over my mind. They year prior to my trip, I was living my life wildly. Experimenting, meeting people, one night one note type of moments. They were enough. I really didn't have much going for me other than being blonde, cool, and pretty. I was a student, working part time in the music/movie section of a bookstore. Yet I still had that sadness that has been with me longer than my time on this earth. I had been single for 2 years already, and was losing hope on men in the romantic perspective. I must say, women have a tender touch, a soft kiss, and their love can be eradiated within a 2 mile radius. Kissing and dancing with girls was my support group in a sense, my vacation (Fight Club reference).

He did not even bother to read the third, as I saw his face drop completely. 

I've tried to kill myself twice and failed.

Part of me knew, he knew it was me. He had seen my writing in all the other activities. 

I quit joining activities, as I deemed them pointless by the beginning of week 3. 

Fucked off into the night, the trees, and the sadness of those who got to know me way too late.

I was Cool for that Summer.