la belle renard

 Fake Plastic Trees - Radiohead "But I can't help the feeling, I could blow through the ceiling..." It's incredible how as time goes by, songs that used to feed and ease the pain become enjoyable to listen to again. I pushed repeat on this jam my entire high school and half of my college career. It almost seemed as if my relationships back then could be considered fake. plastic. trees.  How I wanted to be in love so badly, and worse, be loved back in the same way. From people who had their own agendas, standards of beauty, requisites for romance.  "If I could be, who you wanted... all the time." I altered my cultural tastes like a well fitted designer suit.  I let them shop my attire, uniform style. Suddenly, my desires were no longer viable and adequate.  You're not really that pretty, you're not that smart either. She went crazy, even when she was already mad. "It wears her out." I sure looked like the real thing, tasted like the real thi...

Time Will Tell - Blood Orange I love you in this moment. And all the other times I said I did. All the times I said I would. And all the ones I said I will. I meant it. I mean it. I stand by it. As long as you are forever, I’ll be a life time. Happy Birthday, LOML. 

 Cool For The Summer - Demi Lovato Boy does this song bring me major, major, nostalgia of my time in Europe. At the time, I believe Season 9 of RPDR was on, and Shea Coulee had to LS4YL to this song. I was pretty entranced by the beat, quite familiar with the lyrics as well. This song got me through that bus ride to "Eastern Europe" (its actually central, as most Eastern countries are predominantly Slavic, for the ultimate eastern feel.) We had just left Italy, and were on our way to Austria. However, during our time in Italy, we had a Vatican City tour in Rome. Prior to arriving, our trip leader had a fun confession game, which had us all write down 3 confessions that he would say out-loud to the entire group. I consider myself a horrible liar. This is why I have always preferred living truthfully and honestly. I couldn't lie on that piece of paper, not even to save my already burned and charred reputation of the fucking weirdo of the trip. I wrote them down as I felt,...

The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony Words cannot explain how I feel right now, but I can try. I feel like this huge chunk of negativity in me has been transplanted off my chest, my mind, my heart, my life. Everyday, there was this bit in me that made me miserable, and I never quite now how to rid myself from it. I tried, but to no avail. It grew worse and worse, and it was affecting my daily life, my relationship, and my happiness most of all. Today, I talked it out of me. It came out of my throat, slid through my tongue, and presented itself out of my mouth. I have this very bad tendency of holding all of my rancor and thoughts inside, and never really talking them through with people. I will literally hold a lot of things to my grave, or at least until they become irrelevant. Not today. It is strange how I was just thinking about how much harm this negativity was creating, and how I must seek relief. The only way was to either, a) talk about it, or, b) finish things. I grew the cou...

The Flaming Lips - Do You Realize?? Okay, I don't know why this song has been stuck in my head for more than an hour now. I'm not really big on the Flaming Lips, but this song came out in my iTunes Radio the other day, and I was mesmerized. Of course, I had also heard it before in the movie "50 First Dates" and really liked it, but I never bother to look for it, mainly cos I was about 11 years old at the time.  To begin with, I am not even feeling any sorts of romantic. In fact, I am very irate and hungry. Maybe this song depicts my love for food at the moment. Perhaps, I really miss my boyfriend (although I am not in good terms with him right now.) Whatever reason it is, I am going to buy this song on iTunes now, and enjoy it tomorrow morning for my run.

Belle and Sebastian - Funny Little Frog This has got to be my ultimate favorite song right now. I am in love with it! The story with this song is nothing too fancy. I was taking a shower after my morning run and this came out on The Shins iTunes Radio station. Let me tell you, this song makes me want to buy a one way to Paris and just live there, even if it means living in a dumpster. It is so catchy, the tune is so peppy and positive, the lyrics... They are everything a hopeless romantic wish they could say to someone they really love. At first I thought it was a love song (it still is) about a guy who just really appreciates his beloved (still is) but the difference is that he doesn't grab up the courage to tell her how much she means to him. Like when you are stuck in the "friendzone" and your crush just treats you so well, and is always there for you, how do you not fall in love? This kind of reminds me when me and my boyfriend first started talking as friends. W...

The Academy Is... - About A Girl  Today I woke up thinking of this song. It brings me nothing but good memories though. When I was a sophomore in high school, I was still transitioning from my many crazy styles. When I was a freshman, I considered myself to be emo/scene, which had me listening to a bunch of music I really couldn't comprehend but still made me cool. Some Paramore, some BMTH, but by the summer of 2009, I was on my way to become "indie" because I was bullied by some "indie" girls and my way of getting back at them was to become one of them. It was not only that, but I also admired them, and thought they were cool (if that makes any sense?) Their style was something unheard of where I live, and I always aspired to be different. Okay, too much derailing of the point I am trying to convey, and how this song has a meaning to it. Anyways, when I went back to school, this was one of my favorite songs because I always sought myself to be a hopeless r...

Elliott Smith - Between The Bars  I recently came across this song one morning as I was taking a shower after my run. It was part of the iTunes Radio station I was listening to, generally The Shins which I love. I have not heard it since then, but it has been stuck on my head. The lyrics play around in my mind, and Elliott's voice comforts me in any given time that I am confused. I remember getting attached to his music when I was in the 8th grade and I was open to learn about any music that I was not familiar with. Sadness overcame when I found out he had passed away back in 2003. He is one of my favorites that I don't really mention a lot.