la belle renard

 Fake Plastic Trees - Radiohead "But I can't help the feeling, I could blow through the ceiling..." It's incredible how as time goes by, songs that used to feed and ease the pain become enjoyable to listen to again. I pushed repeat on this jam my entire high school and half of my college career. It almost seemed as if my relationships back then could be considered fake. plastic. trees.  How I wanted to be in love so badly, and worse, be loved back in the same way. From people who had their own agendas, standards of beauty, requisites for romance.  "If I could be, who you wanted... all the time." I altered my cultural tastes like a well fitted designer suit.  I let them shop my attire, uniform style. Suddenly, my desires were no longer viable and adequate.  You're not really that pretty, you're not that smart either. She went crazy, even when she was already mad. "It wears her out." I sure looked like the real thing, tasted like the real thi...

 Big Little Lies  Season Two Mrs. Renata Klein, you give me life and you give me hope.  I am on the last episode of Big Little Lies Season two, and I am starting to feel gloomy about it coming to an end. I began watching this show with my mom, and we managed to finish season one. However, Season two came out a year ago and I couldn't wait to watch with my mom any longer (I moved, and she needs to see it in spanish.) Being that I am under the age of 30, with no kids, and no money, I don't see how I could possibly relate to these women. My spirit stands, as it is 53 years old. Her name is Renata Klein. In season one of BLL, Renata is the bitch you avoid at all costs. However, women like her are not easy to avoid, and will let you know THEY ARE THERE. Whether its to be nice, or rip your head off your neck. Season two on the other hand, she is here to be empowered.  Yet the premise of this story created by Liane Moriarty, is to show you how terrible marriage can be, spec...

Time Will Tell - Blood Orange I love you in this moment. And all the other times I said I did. All the times I said I would. And all the ones I said I will. I meant it. I mean it. I stand by it. As long as you are forever, I’ll be a life time. Happy Birthday, LOML. 

We Are Who We Are A masterpiece from Luca Guadanino BECAUSE MY HEART IS BREAKING. AT THE FACT THAT NOT MANY PEOPLE ARE WATCHING. That's alright, I didn't watch Euphoria so I guess we are even? I hear it's a similar concept except the ones in this program have no real issues that can justify. At least Fraser. Who happens to be my favorite. Who happens to be the one I relate to. Why am I so OBSESSED? Maybe because all I can remember from my time in Italy is being constantly drunk. Wine, Tequila, Limoncello, and Prosecco. Venezia, to be precise. Is it because the soundtrack resonates with my long walks to nowhere. Eating shit, beating heart. Walking along those canals and running towards buses. Camping ground fun. Not to mention, the beginning of the heartbreaks. Merletto Veneziano, biliardo, baciato dal sole.  Because maybe inside I am unlikeable. Broken, but putting my strong fronts. Maybe I don't want to be liked either. Yet people persist...  I can't stand how much...

 Cool For The Summer - Demi Lovato Boy does this song bring me major, major, nostalgia of my time in Europe. At the time, I believe Season 9 of RPDR was on, and Shea Coulee had to LS4YL to this song. I was pretty entranced by the beat, quite familiar with the lyrics as well. This song got me through that bus ride to "Eastern Europe" (its actually central, as most Eastern countries are predominantly Slavic, for the ultimate eastern feel.) We had just left Italy, and were on our way to Austria. However, during our time in Italy, we had a Vatican City tour in Rome. Prior to arriving, our trip leader had a fun confession game, which had us all write down 3 confessions that he would say out-loud to the entire group. I consider myself a horrible liar. This is why I have always preferred living truthfully and honestly. I couldn't lie on that piece of paper, not even to save my already burned and charred reputation of the fucking weirdo of the trip. I wrote them down as I felt,...